As you may know, Apple Computer and Apple Corps will be back in Court this week for the third time to fight over whether Apple Computer has been naughty in using that name for its music business. A secret closed door hearing last week brought all the main players together for a last ditch settlement discussion. Luckily, Lostinafog has once again (miraculously) been able to attain an account of that meeting…
Sir Paul and Ringo sit in the two nice chairs, Ringo’s head bobbing back and forth in time to an unheard rendition of Love Me Do. Yoko sits in the corner, legs crossed, hands spread open to the goddess of weirdness. Olivia Harrison sits on a credenza studying her nail job.
Steve Jobs paces the room like a caged tiger, popping Ringo on the top of his head with each lap. Ringo doesn’t seem to notice. Paul has drifted off to a needed nap.
The door behind the desk opens and Judge Mann walks in, white earbuds showing below his bowler hat. He is singing Mandy quietly to himself until he notices his office is full of rock stars and trouble.
“Oh yes. You’re all here then. Thank you for agreeing to this final attempt to settle this action and avoid spending valuable court time fighting over fruit.” The room becomes completely still as all eyes turn to the judge. He smiles weakly, hangs up his hat and coat and sits down. He removes the earbuds and pulls a nano from his pocket and pops it onto his Apple HiFi box. Manilow’s sultry tones fill the office for a moment before Mann hits an off button and silence once more dominates.
“So,” Mann says, “where are we on this.”
“We want a bazillion dollars,” Yoko shrills, “American.”
Ringo looks at her and shakes his head. “You’re daft woman. That isn’t a real number.” Paul snorts before returning to his quiet snoring. Ringo turns to the judge. “But we did have a deal, you know. And he (pointing at Jobs) did not keep his word.”
Jobs stops pacing for moment to look at Ringo. “Is that your real nose? Or did you sue some other poor bastard for it?”
Judge Mann temples his fingers. He picks up a sheet from his desk. “It says that the final offer on the table from Mr. Jobs was $20 million….American.” He looks at Yoko over his glasses. “And the final request from you rock people was….a bazillion dollars?” He looks at Ringo who just shrugs.
“She paid for the lawyers, mate.”
“I see.” Mann looks at Jobs and then to Yoko. “Any room for compromise in either of you?”
“The number was revealed to me in a dream,” Yoko says.
Jobs stares at her, hands clenching and unclenching. “A dream is right…”.
Mann looks around the room. “Well, then, I guess we’ll see everybody next week.”
Paul snorts and wakes himself. “I loved John!” he screams, looking around wide-eyed, wondering how he got there. “Hmmm…..did we decide anything?”
Ringo grabs his hand gently and gives him a reassuring smile. “No, mate, we don’t seem to be close.”
Paul looks around the room, but all eyes look away. “Why don’t we just sell the whole thing to him?” Now everybody is looking at him.
“How much?” Steve says.
“A bazillion dollars,” Yoko shrills from her floor seat. Steve looks at the other three in turn and receives shrugs of agreement.
He reaches for the checkbook in the back pocket of his jeans, and pulls a stangely small pen from the little change pocket in the front. He flips it open and starts to write.
“How many zero’s in that?”
